.….the goal isn’t to raise perfect kids, but just to raise kind, responsible, and normal humans

“Mummmmmy… I want to watch cartoon on your phooone!” ‘Mummy! Tiwa just hit me and I did nothing wrong, I beat my own back then she called me mad” “Mummy I want to eaaat” “Daddy I need an ipad” “Mummy I’m through come and help me clean my bumbum “Mummy, I don’t want to wear this dress, it doesn’t look good on me. I don’t like it.” “Daddy, I punched and slapped Jojo”

As a dad or mum, you’ve probably had to handle scenarios as this. This is because this is parenting in the 21st century: where your 5-year-old has stronger opinions and a sharper motuh than a grown up, and your toddler talks about dressing like a fashion influencer.

Gone are the days when all it took to make a child happy was biscuits, food, snacks, toys, and Tom & Jerry. Now, screen addiction, peer pressure, social media, sibling rivalry and drama, miniature fashion rebellions, and unprovoked confessions of playground warfare are the order of the day.

Today’s parents aren’t just raising kids. We’re part-time therapists, odogwu spenders, full-time negotiators, snack distributors, tech support, fashion consultants, and UN peacekeepers. And somehow, we’re expected to do it all with a smile, a job, and a good mental health.

Having highlighted above some of the popular challenges parents face in raising their children, let’s briefly discuss what can be done to help.

WHAT WORKS:

NEGOTIATIONS

In the past it used to be teenagers who give their parents tough time and children who are going through adolescence. But nowadays, raising even toddlers demands that you negotiate with them and reach mutual agreement. I once agreed with my 3 yr. old to allow him watch cartoons on my phone only after he has taken his bath and eaten his breakfast. Of course he was pleased with the arrangement. So in handling and controlling issues such as screen time, what to wear, what to eat, get used to engaging conversations and negotiations with your kid.

For instance, your 9-year-old probably wants an Instagram account because her friends are all on it. You need to negotiate and not be forceful about making her give up the idea willingly. Have an open conversation with her about online vs. real life. Teach her self-worth outside of “likes” and “follows” and of course get on all those social media pages, follow your kid on TikTok even if they never forgive you.

CONSISTENCE

Consistency and routine is very good for kids. They thrive on routine and structure even if they act like they don’t. Having laid down rules and being consistent with these rules and boundaries, can help children feel safe and know what to expect. Consistency teaches responsibility, and it also means your kids will take you seriously.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence implies that you put yourself in your children’s shoes and try to understand why they act the way they do and how you can help them become better. In the world today, children feel a lot, and their emotions are everywhere. They’re growing up in a fast and sometimes overwhelming world. Teaching them how to recognize, react, express, and manage their emotions is good parenting and is also essential for their future relationships and mental health.

Let them know that it is okay to cry, express frustration, or feel disappointed. This doesn’t mean letting your child turn into a mini dictator; it just means helping them put words to big feelings, instead of turning every meltdown into uncontrollable tantrums.

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

Like it or not, your kids are watching everything you do. So you’re automatically a role model for them. Kids notice the way you talk to others, how you handle stress, how you react to situations, how often you pick up your phone etc. they’re absorbing it all and unconsciously they become like you.

Want them to be kind? Be kind. Want them to read books? Read one yourself. You can’t teach what you don’t practice, children are imitators.

USE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

This simply implies that you praise good behavior. Praise them when they do well, Praise the behavior you want to see more of. You don’t need to do anything out of the ordinary, but a simple “well done!, I’m proud of you” goes a long way.

Positive reinforcement isn’t about spoiling your kid it’s about building confidence, reinforcing values, and reminding them that good behavior gets attention too.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, COPE

You need to cope with this parenting thing no matter how hard it gets. You can’t show up as your best self if you’re running on fumes. Take time to rest, breathe, laugh, and maybe cry a little in the bathroom with the door locked (everyone cries). Crying is therapeutic. You can’t be perfect all the time, perfection is a myth. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s survival. Dear Mum, Dear Dad prioritize yourself too.

In conclusion, know that no matter how hard it gets from the point of conception to when your child leaves for higher institution, you’ve got this. You can do it. The goal isn’t to raise perfect kids, but just to raise kind, responsible, and normal humans.

Oluwaponmile Shittu is a passionate advocate for women’s and children’s rights, and social justice in Africa. A leading voice at Women For Liberty Africa and a former African Liberty writing fellow, she writes on societal issues and parenting, and speaks widely on empowerment, human rights, and meaningful change. She is the author of The Rough Path.