Bad news is any news that drastically, negatively, and seriously affects an individual’s view of their future. All bad news, therefore, has serious adverse consequences for individuals, patients and families.

Bad news can come as a result of occurrences such as the diagnosis of a serious life-limiting/threatening illness, the death of a loved one, listening to news, loosing one’s job, heartbreak from a relationship etc. and can result to the following:

Anxiety and Stress

Research shows that exposure to bad news can lead to increased anxiety and stress levels. When we consume stories about violence, disasters, or economic instability, our brain’s fight-or-flight response is triggered. This response can leave us feeling anxious, even when the events are far removed from our personal lives. In extreme cases, this can lead to anxiety disorders or exacerbate existing mental health conditions

Depression and Hopelessness

Beyond anxiety, constant exposure to bad news can contribute to feelings of depression and hopelessness. When the news is filled with stories of suffering, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless. This sense of despair can affect our mood, leading to persistent sadness or a lack of motivation. For some, the weight of the world’s problems can become too heavy to bear, making it difficult to focus on personal well-being.

It is very important for you to feel the pain of others and know that giving bad news is just about the worst interpersonal experience there is.

I’m not talking about telling someone their favourite show was cancelled or you broke one of their glass cups oo, I’m talking about big things that has to do with their lives. For example, breaking up with someone, firing your worker or traumatic events that shake a person’s very sense of self-worth.

We avoid it like the plague if we can. We delay and defer, often making things far worse. When finally we get to it, we misspeak and misrepresent ourselves, so consumed are we by the discomfort of saying what must be said. It’s irrational, but then, so are we.

Our goal should be to minimise both parties’ pain to the greatest extent possible. To that end, what follows is my humble take on how to give bad news.

Tip 1: Make your process sound

First, realize an important truth: if people can’t attack a decision, they attack the process. Firing or breaking up with someone leaves them powerless to change the outcome, yet they need to vent the hurt and anger they feel. If possible, they will challenge the decision itself. Failing that, they’ll go after the process used to reach it. Accusations are many and varied: lack of forewarning, transparency, proper consideration, among others.

Your goal is that after all the emotion has drained away, the other person realizes on reflection that you did the absolute best you could have done in that situation. They might even respect you for it.

Tip 2: Be sure of your decision

While this seems blatantly obvious, the reason is less so: be sure so that when confronted head-on with actual negative results of your actions, you don’t lose confidence in the decision.

Tip 3: Do it in person

You want to break a news about the death of a loved one, you want to resign your job, or you want to break up a relationship? Please don’t do with a phone call, do it in person.

Tip 4: Listen to understand

We intuitively know that everyone wants to be heard. But don’t simply listen to respond: listen to understand. Internalize each of their ideas and measure it against your prior beliefs. A good lesson for most of life, it applies doubly here.

First, to appease. Unless the other person believes you’ve understood them, they won’t get closure. Instead they’ll dwell on the situation, believing things might have been different if only you’d properly heard them. Crucially, they must realize that you fully understand their position, but that it does not change the decision.

Second, listening to understand is for yourself. Maybe they raise good points. Maybe there are circumstances you were unaware of. Your resolve may be tested, but if you prepared well you shouldn’t be surprised. If you are, exercise your judgement and determine whether these new factors affect the decision.

Finally, respond. Address their concerns seriously. Discuss, pacify, diffuse. Importantly, allow enough time. Once you sit down, don’t get up until you’re satisfied with how the matter is being left. If you’re busy, make time. Spending a little of it now will prevent wasting a lot when the mishandled issue comes back to bite you.

And that’s it. Stand up, say goodbye, and walk away. They still feel bad; you already feel a lot better.

Like it or not, these are conversations we must all have at times. All you can do is your best. But hopefully now, your best might be a tiny bit better.

Finally, you must be aware that at one point or another in your lifetime, you will either receive or give a bad news, but the way you give or take such news is very important to your wellbeing.

Olubukola Olabiyi is a teacher, social media content creator, life coach, Gospel artist, and writer with focus on religion, morals, education, and motivational themes.