We’ve all experienced parenting guilt at some points in our parenting journey. You find yourself looking forward to collapsing onto the sofa at the end of a long workday, exhausted. Not able to spend hours in the same room as your child having a meaningful conversation. You scroll through your phone while they play, mentally counting the hours until bedtime. Sometimes you feel that familiar pang Am I spending enough quality time with my child?

The myth of modern parenting is that “quality time” must be a grand, hours-long event. But for children, especially those between the ages of 4 and 10, what matters isn’t the duration; it’s the concentration of your attention. The truth is, you can build a deeper, and a more resilient connection with your child in just five minutes of focused, undivided attention than you can in an entire distracted afternoon.

Why Just 5 Minutes Works Better Than Hours 

The science behind this approach is simple: attention is a child’s most essential nutrient. When they feel their “attention tank” is full, they are emotionally regulated and far less likely to resort to challenging behaviors like whining, nagging, arguing, or throwing tantrums to get noticed.

By dedicating some time to them each day, you are not just connecting; you are actively strengthening their self-worth. When you put your phone down and truly listen to them, you are sending a clear, powerful message. That they’re important and they matter to you more than anything.

This intentional habit reduces the child’s need to compete with screens or chores for your affection. It helps them feel seen, heard, and secure. Furthermore, because these five minutes are predictable and consistent, they give the child an anchor point, making them more cooperative during the rest of the day because they know their dedicated time is guaranteed.

To ensure these five minutes are impactful, they must be sacred. Follow these three golden rules:

Phone Away, Silence Notifications: This is non-negotiable. Put your phone in a drawer, turn it face down, or leave it in the next room. A child can tell the difference between “listening while waiting for an alert” and “listening wholeheartedly.” You must be fully present.

Child’s Choice, No Agenda: Resist the urge to use this time for corrections, lectures, or homework checks. This is their time. If they want to spend five minutes describing the plot of their favourite cartoon, or they want to describe what happened in their classroom during the day, let them. Following their lead shows respect for their autonomy and interests.

Use Descriptive Praise: Instead of generic feedback like “Good job,” use specific, action-oriented encouragement. Try, “I love how you built that tower, I love how you arranged the room… ” This kind of praise reinforces positive traits and makes them feel genuinely appreciated.

Quick Rituals to Try at Night 

These five-minute rituals can be adapted to fit into the busiest parts of your schedule:

The Super-Speed Game: When they get home from school or before dinner, dedicate five minutes to high-energy, focused physical play. This could be a quick dance party, or tickling each other. This short burst helps them shake off the day’s physical and emotional energy, transitioning them into a calmer evening routine.

Tell bedtime stories: telling stories create an active conversation, engaging their attention and you can help build their creativity by telling them to form stories too or predict how a story will end. This also gives you a window into their thought process.

The Day’s Interview (Anytime): This is a simple, structured chat that works wonders. Ask three questions that go beyond “How was your day?” such as:

1. “What made you laugh the hardest today?” (Focuses on joy).

2. “What was one thing you learned or found confusing?” (Focuses on curiosity and struggle).

3. “What’s one thing you’re really looking forward to tomorrow?” (Focuses on hope and planning). This sequence gives them a comprehensive emotional check-in within a short time.

You don’t need to quit your job or give up your evening to be an amazing parent. You don’t need to go through stress as well. All it takes is the commitment to five minutes of pure presence. Start today by deciding to squeeze out a few minutes of your time daily. That small investment of focused attention is the fastest, and most effective way to have a deeper, and happier connection with your children. You’ll be amazed at the positive changes you will see almost immediately.

Oluwaponmile Shittu is a passionate advocate for women’s and children’s rights, and social justice in Africa. A leading voice at Women For Liberty Africa and a former African Liberty writing fellow, she writes on societal issues and parenting, and speaks widely on empowerment, human rights, and meaningful change.