I know you already know this but let me remind you again, social media has gone far. It has eaten deep into our daily lives, and lifestyles. And the beauty or bane of this (depending on how you choose to see it) is that our children have been dragged into this addiction. First of all let me ask you this question, at what age do you think it’s right to allow your child have a social media account they run on their own?

Social Media is now central to how teens communicate, form relationships, and view themselves. According to experts, platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat influence teen identity, body image, and mental health, both positively and negatively.

Platforms like Instagram and Snapchat significantly contribute to body dissatisfaction, particularly among females aged 15-18. Findings reveal a strong correlation between increased social media use, heightened self-comparison, reduced self-esteem, and mental health challenges, including anxiety and depression.

Lola, 14, says she loves tiktok because the platform allows her express herself. She loves to dance and she shares her dance videos there. She usually feels bad if she doesn’t get as much likes and views as she desires.

Tim, 13, says he likes Tiktok and Instagram because it helps him stay connected with trends and funny content. “I mostly watch videos and send them to my friends,” he says.

Fiyin, 12, says he doesn’t post on Instagram but he uses it daily. “I just scroll and watch funny stuff or game clips,” he says. He admits he can lose track of time and has to be forced to put his phone down most times.

Semilore, 14, uses TikTok mostly to connect with her friends. “We do trends together or tag each other in challenges,” “I just want to have fun and laugh with my friends.”

Do you know as a parent that even if you deny your children access to smartphones and gadgets because you want to keep them off social media addiction, they can still find a way to get on board? You can’t stop them from having friends and you also can’t go everywhere with them or be with them 24 hours every day of the week.

So, whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not, your children are on social media, they login in daily and it is shaping their identities, and personalities.

What is the danger in this?

If your child is talented and he/she says social media is giving the platform to showcase, they’re still under the pressure to conform to trends or social norms which can limit true self-expression. Your child may begin to battle with low self-esteem when they come across other young people who were raised under different circumstances (Could be good or bad) and who appear more talented and exposed than they are. Low engagement on their posts, may lead to feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or self-doubt. As teens and even young adults, they may begin defining their value by how others respond to their content.

Another thing to worry about is the fact that teens may create a carefully curated online persona that doesn’t fully match who they are offline. You begin to have teenagers who struggle with multiple personalities and being true to who they really are in real life.

What can parents do?

Don’t Control, Guide

I said this before in my previous post, and I believe we already agree on this, good parenting isn’t by being a monster or a controller or someone that your children can’t approach. If you try to control your teenager’s access to social media, you may lose them totally. Helping your teenager navigate social media usage isn’t about you dictating or controlling their usage, stalking them online or commanding them to delete their accounts. It’s about guiding them to make thoughtful, safe, and healthy choices while they’re still developing their sense of identity.

Always have good conversations with your children, Create a safe space where your teen feels comfortable talking about their online life. Ask them about the things they like about some of this platforms and avoid judgment, teens are more likely to open up if they feel respected, not criticized.

Be social media literate and teach your children

What does it mean to be a social media literate? It means you understand the dos and don’ts of social media. You understand how it works and the right things to put online.

Explain to your children that people curate their lives and what they often see is edited, make-believe, filtered, or exaggerated. Explain to your children that sometimes unhealthy content will pop up on their feeds, they don’t necessarily have to look or watch.

Collaborate with your child to set healthy boundaries 

Instead of just imposing rules, involve your Children in setting limits. Don’t just be a lord and master, be a friend. Agree on their screen time, when they can use their phones and when they cannot. When they need to take a break from their phones and go out to Meet with real people and play with friends. Encourage a balance between online and offline life (sports, hobbies, real-world friendships).

 Support Their Real Identity

Help your children to build a healthy self-esteem away from social media. Let your focus be on helping your teens to build themselves without the need for validation or approval from anyone. Praise your children’s effort, creativity, and resilience, not just their appearances or achievements. Encourage them to explore who they are offline (art, sports, volunteering, etc.), so their self-worth isn’t tied only to online validation.

 Be a Role Model

Yes, just we agreed on leading by example in the last post, be a role model when it comes to social media usage. Your own digital habits is very important in shaping your child’s own too. Yes get familiar with all the apps your children use so that you can show them what healthy use looks like (for instance, putting the phone away at meals, in times of prayer, in church, and also not obsessing over likes). Let your children see you making thoughtful and good comments online.

Finally, be on the alert. One of the most popular signs that something is wrong with your teenage child is mood changes. If you notice signs of withdrawal, anxiety, obsession or lack of motivation to do anything, dig deeper and get your child to talk to you.

Although Social Media is a medium for development and self-discovery, and a space where opportunities abound, young people explore their identities, connect with peers, and express themselves creatively. While it Social Media offers many positive opportunities, it can also impact self-esteem, especially when teens become dependent on likes, followers, or comparisons to others. As Parents by guiding your child, practicing communication, teaching critical thinking, setting healthy boundaries, and supporting your teen’s offline identity, you can help ensure that Social Media becomes a tool for their growth.

Oluwaponmile Shittu is a passionate advocate for women’s and children’s rights, and social justice in Africa. A leading voice at Women For Liberty Africa and a former African Liberty writing fellow, she writes on societal issues and parenting, and speaks widely on empowerment, human rights, and meaningful change. She is the author of The Rough Path.